National Coming Out Day

Originally Posted On October 11, 2015

Since yesterday was my 18th birthday, and National Coming Out Day was on October 11th, I thought that I would share my coming out story. At a recent GSA meeting, I struggled to do so, and I thought that it was time. So here it is...

During May of my junior year, my girlfriend and I got together. We decided to keep a secret for a while, because I had a boyfriend at the time, and when I was 14 years old I had a girlfriend, and when my mother found out she was not at all happy. She took everything away from me and made me feel disgusting for being with a girl. I did not want this to happen again, so I chose not to tell her.

My girlfriend and I started spending a lot of time together, and my mother began to notice. I continued to deny any sort of questions she asked about us. My anxiety started to get really out of control, because I was constantly being forced to hide.

One day I decided that I'd had enough.

I had been at a softball game with my girlfriend, and I could not handle the secrecy anymore. So I started telling all my friends about us, and I ignored my mothers phone calls. She continued to try to get ahold of me, but I refused to answer. I had to tell her in person.

I drove home after the game scared out of my mind. She's going to disown me. She's never going to speak to me again. I pulled into the driveway, and slowly walked in the front door. As soon as I did, the screaming began. "Where have you been? Why haven't you answered our calls? What is going on? Are you wearing Kendra's flannel?" They would not stop yelling and the tension inside of me was just building up more and more until finally I just screamed "I'm gay!" It felt incredible to finally say it. But only for a second.

My parents immediately went on rampage. Throwing things all across the house, breaking things, and just screaming at the top of their lungs. "Are you kidding me? How could you do this to us? You're just confused. You've been hanging out with the softball team too much, they're corrupting you. You are disgusting." It just kept coming.

I finally couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I walked out the front door and just started walking down the street at 11:00 p.m. I walked until I finally got to one of my friends houses, and I just started knocking on the door. Her mother finally opened it, looking confused. I just hugged her and began sobbing.

My mother called me later that night, telling me that I had to speak to a police officer. Somebody called the cops?  I had to tell him everything that happened that night, and eventually my mother agreed to let me stay with my friend for the night. I thought that everything might just get better.

Boy was I wrong.

The next morning my mother picked me up, and as soon as I got in the car the torment began all over again. She refused to let me drive my car to school. She spent the entire car ride telling me what a disgusting slut I was. She then told me that I could run and cry to whoever I wanted, but it wouldn't matter because if the police got involved again she would just tell them that I was an emotional, confused teenager who had threatened to hurt herself, in order to get me institutionalized. When I finally got to school, I thought I would be fine. As long as I was away from her, everything would be okay. But later that day, she dismissed me from school and took me to my doctor. Why? Because she thought that I was mentally unstable. She thought that I actually had something wrong with my brain that was causing me to do this.

The craziness continued for about another two weeks. When I finally was able to get ahold of my biological father. He told me that he would figure it all out. In the long run, I was able to safely move out of my mothers house, and into my fathers (not without my mother dragging us to court of course).

Long story short, (or not so short) I am extremely grateful to my father, and my stepmother. Without them, I have no idea where I would be right now. I am also extremely grateful to my girlfriend, and her entire family for being so accepting, and loving.

To anybody out there who is still stuck in the closet. It does get better. I can promise you that. I never thought it would, but now I am happier than ever. Coming out feels incredible, and if you are safe to do so, I highly encourage it. The world will come around. It has to, right?